On our honeymoon in Oaxaca, Emily and I rode the bus with an Australian pharmacist.

She told us of a shellshocked young couple that came to her shop early one Saturday asking for a morning after pill.

The dosage required two different pills to be taken at the same time.

“Take both of these right now,” she told them.

They nodded, looked at each other… and each took one.

Concatenation is the order in which we experience events through linear time.

Simultaneity is the relationship between events that we perceive are happening at the same time.

Our anal retentive left brains organize time in a linear fashion to fit it through the keyhole of our consciousness.

Our tripping balls hippie right brains, meanwhile, seem to know that every event in history is still happening right now, somewhere in the universe.

I can’t say for sure that I wouldn’t have done the same thing as the stricken couple in the Australian pharmacy. Two pills. Take ’em now. Divide them up. Down the hatch. The past: erased.

When I’ve watched a glass spill, my brain has revved to 5,000 frames a second, watching the teeter the tip and the splash of every drop I had planned to enjoy. And I have felt, in the same moment, the sudden funeral for my next ten minutes that now will be spent cleaning it up.

It’s as if the more you don’t want something to be true, the less you perceive the concatenation of time. Or perhaps the more emotional you are, the more simultaneous life feels.

Great movies whizz by. Funerals and burials are a rich mind cocktail of an un-had future and a bygone past, and go by in kind of a blur. A morning at the DMV takes weeks.

Breathing hard, desperate for a solution to last night’s youthful indiscretion, relieved at the clear instructions of an authoritative pharmacist, I think I too would have taken that pill.

Down the hatch. The past: erased.


Great F#&k-its in History

The massacre and death that so marked World War Two
Left Americans racked with bad shell shock and sorrow.
But progress in the sciences and especially in flight
Led all of them to believe in a much brighter tomorrow.

The problem was that airplanes just could not break Mach One,
Or the invisible barrier known as the speed of sound.
The Aircrafts combusted the closer they got
And put pilot upon pilot in a burial mound.

The PhDs warned of an infinite drag
As molecules stacked up in front of the plane
And test pilots would faint as G-force moved their blood,
So to approach the sound barrier was deemed flat-out insane.

But one captain among the brand new air force ranks
Beheld not a wall, just a steep hill to climb.
If bullwhips and bullets could pass through the drag
Then for man and machine it was a matter of time.

Read the full post »

The “Death” of “Irony”

Why Catastrophes Happen

Knowledge for Zeus’s Sake

Misha Collins, you are the greatest

What. a. night.

The CD release party was fantastic. Jeffrey Dinsmore killed with the songs he wrote about my material. How did I get so lucky? My thanks also to Greg Felden on lead guitar, Bill Watterson on Bass, Kurt Bloom on drums, ArtShare LA for the incredible space, my mom, my sister and my wife for their support and chair shoving, Kate Hamilton for being my PA for the day, Sarah Cole for not only composing all of our harmonies, but also manning the door, and finally that huge crowd that gave up a Friday night for my brand of nonsense. There are more shows coming in the new year. So buckle your mind belts, my friends.

Brendan & Jeffrey

They’re here! They’re here!

The CDs finally came. Thanks Sergio from UPS! The album drops on October 14th. Buy it on iTunes or Amazon. CD release party at ArtShare in downtown Los Angeles on October 10. More details to follow!

How to Shave Your Adam’s Apple

The TV show Right This Minute featured my video about shaving your Adam’s Apple!

And here’s the original video…

But what should we direct?

The frozen tundra of 21st-century artistic possibilities stretches before us. Madness lies in every direction. We know directing is the only option for an intrepid, citizen-philosopher, bon vivant like ourselves (or so we like to think)… but directing what?

To whom must we communicate? What message? Over what production elements are we compelled to bear influence? Can we ever start a family? Hopefully this handy chart will help.

Click to enlarge. Download the PDF here.

What Should We Direct?